So sorry to hear about your weeping. Truly. It sounds like you’ve come to some very painful and difficult realizations.
I’m wondering though – did you mean to send this to everyone? Was this an unintentional blog post that was meant to be an e-mail? Perhaps you meant to send this to friends and family to ask for support in this awful time, when you’ve realized just how much harm and violence you’ve done, how much you’ve overseen, how much you continue to do.
That is completely understandable. Of course you’ll need that.
And don’t be embarrassed – we’ve all sent something to the wrong person or replied all by mistake. Usually it makes for a funny story later.
Just to be clear though – you weren’t asking queer folks to provide you with emotional support for your weeping? Nor the broader church? You weren’t looking for us to open up our arms and hold you while you cry? You weren’t seeking out sympathy or empathy or comfort or awkward back pats?
Because in the conversations I was a part of, seeking a response from the church, we weren’t looking for you to bring us your emotional burdens. Reading that sentence, do you see just how backward it is? We were looking for the historic peace church MC USA to condemn the violence against queer folks, to condemn Islamophobia in our queer names, to take accountability for MC USA’s theology, culture, and community practices that engender and enact hate and violence toward queer folks – especially and most of all queer People of Color, and to commit to concrete changes.
Do you understand the difference? Truly. It’s a question. Do you understand that this is a moment for you to turn to your family, friends, and community for your personal grief and pain? And it is a moment for you, in your role as Executive Director of Mennonite Church USA, to condemn violence, take accountability for your personal as well as the broader church’s role in it, and to name the ways the church will do better in the future.
Would you like to try again? We’ll be waiting.
I’ve been out of the blogging business (jk, it’s a nonprofit) for a while now. It’s hard to decide just how much to say about why that is. I can say this, however: it is deeply connected with healing from the many forms of sexualized violence I have experienced as a member of Mennonite Church USA.
As I re-enter the online world of Mennonite discourse, it’s interesting to find myself in the process of profound changes, and MC USA in the same old holding pattern I’ve been familiar with over the course of my thus far 33 years of life.
Mennonite people, most often men, are committing heinous acts of sexualized violence behind closed doors. Some are eventually caught. Then there is generally a Mennonite-orchestrated cover-up. Then there are attempts to prove that enough was done, and the survivor/s was/were hard to work with, and everyone tried their best, and it just didn’t work out, ok? And we’re really sorry! For real this time, and let’s all agree to do a better job next time. Then the hunkering down and the hoping it will blow over.
And, of course, I can’t leave out the moment when we pivot to: “And this is why we have to have the strict sexual boundaries of sexual activity taking place exclusively in the context of a cis-man and a cis-woman who are bound together in holy matrimony, preferably for the purpose of reproduction.”
And there we are, without ever speaking the words, queer folks and those committing heinous acts of sexual violence, all lumped together again as those outside Mennonite sexual boundaries.
Hey queerios and folks working to be in solidarity. I did a Vlog! A guest vlog with MennoNerds! Check it on out.
The following is a letter to Ervin Stutzman from my brother and Pink Menno co-creator, Luke Yoder.
The pic is of my mom and one of my sisters. Because the family that Pink prays together, stays together.
I wanted to express my ongoing sadness that the MC USA Exec. Board continues to find every opportunity to hold down and oppress when there are wonderfully prophetic voices that are showing us how we can live into a new reality. I don’t have the words to express my disappointment that the Executive Board seems to believe that its role is to hold a false unity rather than celebrate a very real diversity. This is an incredibly disappointing (and, ultimately, damaging to countless individuals who continue to be reminded that the Mennonite Church does not have enough love to accept and welcome them) response to Mountain States.